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Friday 1 August Attilio Lombardo finally signs for Palace for £1.6 million, after lowering his personal terms – the penthouse suite overlooking Central Park has gone, but he'll still gets the go karts and the dolphinarium. Liverpool confirm that Robbie Fowler, injured in a pre-season match, will miss the opening fortnight of the season. Newcastle block Peter Beardsley's transfer to Bolton. "It's an opportunity for Peter to lengthen his career here," says Kenny, keeping a straight face as ever.

Sunday 3 Man Utd win the Charity Shield on penalties after a 1-1 draw with Chelsea. "United were more dangerous when we had the ball than when they had it," says Ruud. The Wim Jansen era at Celtic begins with their first defeat by Hibs since decimalisation. 

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Not all footballers crave the spotlight. James Wilson has realised that Faustino Asprilla is happier away from media attention

Colombia do not play their home games in the capital, Bogotá. Instead they have adopted Barranquilla, a coastal city of tropical languor, as their base. It is a welcoming city. Gabriel Garcia Marquez once lived in a brothel here. Outside the Dann, the nondescript suburban hotel where the players were staying before flying off to Paraguay for the World Cup game, a banner strung across the street said: “The Colombian squad is here.” So were a lot of military police.

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Tuesday 1 Chris Waddle has been offered a coaching role at Sheffield Utd but hints that he'd prefer a proper manager's job. He's not stuck for choice: today's new vacancy is at Southend where Ronnie Whelan has just resigned, saying, "Some fans at the end of last season made it clear I wasn't welcome." Blackpool's Gary Megson is the surprise choice as new Stockport manager, while Celtic seem to be having a chat with Portugal national team boss Artur Jorge, he of the thicket moustache and facility in a dozen languages. (Or is that Graeme Souness? No, as you were.) The Rep of Ireland teenies go out of the World Youth Cup at the semi-final stage, beaten 1-0 by Argentina.

Wednesday 3 Celtic's new coach is Dutchman Wim Jansen, once of Feyenoord, and lately out of work after leaving his last job in Japan. "It is a big challenge," he says. "Celtic were involved in the greatest day of my career, the 1970 European Cup final against Feyenoord." Not the greatest day for Celtic fans, of course, but at least they used to get past the early rounds in Europe then. Fabrizio Ravanelli faces a fine of a week's wages (that's £42,000, in case you want to start a whip round) from Middlesbrough for not turning up to pre-season training. He may yet move to Liverpool, where he would join Paul Ince who is about to sign up for £4.5 million. Another man in demand, Chris Waddle, has talks with Hull City about becoming their player-manager, but is said to favour a move to Burnley. Looks like Juninho is heading for Atletico Madrid for £12.5 million after Spurs' interest cools. Assuming, of course, that they ever were interested and not just trying to buy a bit of positive publicity after the bad press over the Sheringham transfer.

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Although France '98 will have representatives from North and Central America, Neil Dixe Wills predicts that they won't upset the applecart

At the turn of the century Mexican president-cum-dictator Porfirio Diaz quipped, in what passed for wit in those days, “Poor Mexico: so far from God, so close to the United States.” Had he not shuffled off his mortal coil 82 years ago he might now be tempted to add, “But thank goodness we’re in the CONCACAF region.”

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Tuesday 3 Le Tournoi begins with a 1-1 draw between France and Brazil, whose goal comes from a 35-yard swerving free kick by Roberto Carlos, the sort that used to win cup finals in boys' annuals while the crowd shouted, "Lummee!" and "What's the youngster playing at?" Teddy Sheringham asks Spurs for a transfer, saying, as you do, "I am looking for a new challenge at this stage in my career." Iran break a World Cup goalscoring record, beating the Maldives 17-0 in a first round qualifier. So, Teddy, coach to the Maldives?

Wednesday 4 England beat Italy 2-0 with goals from Ian Wright and Paul Scholes (Ginger Rogers 'Em says the Sun, desperately). "It was an end of season performance by us," snarls Cesare Maldini, suddenly sounding like a man stuck at the wrong end of Division Two. "It'll be different in Rome – there'll be 80,000 screaming Italians for a start," observes Glenn. And if England lose, they could go into a playoff with, say, Croatia or Yugoslavia… we may yet see Jimmy Hill in a tartan tie next summer.

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