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Bayern Munich club president Franz Beckenbauer has one of the most enviable CVs in the game, and Uli Hesse-Lichtenberger tells us how the man can do no wrong in his native Germany

Distinguishing features Awesome, really. He looks like the royalty he is and doesn’t even need the normally imperative elephant’s ears and protruding noses the less noble employ to stress their status. Actually, he may very well be the first person to rule Germany who’s not an ugly gnome, a shrivelled old fogey or a walking glandular disorder. Has the healthy tan that betrays the good golfer, sports the receding hairline which proves he’s been there and seen it all, and took up wearing understated glasses to suggest he might even be a bit of a thinker.

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Dear WSC
As a Wimbledon supporter I am often frustrated by the lack of a uniquely id­en­­tifiable song, and some people might also feel the lack of a mascot. The fact that we have the best educated supporters in the country and our nickname of “Dons” set me thinking. For a mascot we could have a middle-aged man in a chalky tweed suit, gown and mortar board, carrying a large book, Plato’s Republic, or the Faerie Queene, say. As a special treat for the kiddies, perhaps he could recruit them for MI6 or the KGB over sherry. As for a song, the school song, Gaud­eanus Igitur (Let them rejoice) would suffice. It would be particularly appropriate for its second verse with the lines “Vivat Academia, Vivat Professores”, loosely translated as “Long Live Academica, Come on You Dons”.I hope all Wombles will aid my campaign to make this song as famous as You’ll Never Walk Alone.
Aled Thomas, Cheltenham

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Kevin Keegan is not alone in trying to run a national team while holding down a club job. Adriaan Grijns recounts a similar experiment in Brazil

Wanderley Luxemburgo is an arrogant man. He once walked off the pitch with his team winning 1-0 and five minutes left. Wanderley, as he is referred to here, is the acclaimed new manager of the Brazilian national team, the Seleção.

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Tuesday 1 Home wins in the Worthington for Sunderland, who score two in the last minute in beating Luton 3-0, and Wimbledon, where the holders Chelsea suffer their first defeat in 19 games. Gianluca becomes the 1,000th defeated manager to say: “We tried to play football, not long ball like Wimbledon,” while Joe Kinnear virtually writes his own invite to an FA disciplinary hearing by announcing that his players “had a nice few bob” on themselves to win the tournament at the start of the season.

Wednesday 2 In the Worthington Spurs beat a Man Utd team featuring nine changes from their last match. “Some clubs may treat this tournament lightly but we’re not in a position to do so,” says George. “Even the best teams can’t win all the time,” sniffs Alex. In the other tie, recent cup specialists Leicester plough on with a 1-0 win over Blackburn , who announce that they have been given permission to talk to Brian Kidd about their managerial vacancy. “I just hope he decides to stay,” whispers Alex, being brave for the sake of the kids.

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Like so many players, Neil Wills made no provision for his retirement. Now it's got him worrying about death

According to Marianne Faithfull, it was at the age of 37 that Lucy Jordan realised she would never ride through Paris in a sports car with the warm wind in her hair. According to my brother Clive, he was a mere two years older than that when he realised that if he didn’t stop playing football, his hamstrings would exp­lode. This terrified me be­cause hitherto I had always assumed I would play football for ever. I suddenly realised that – all genetics being equal – at 32 I probably only had seven years to go. For the first time in my life, I faced the grisly prospect of retirement.

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