Tuesday 3 Le Tournoi begins with a 1-1 draw between France and Brazil, whose goal comes from a 35-yard swerving free kick by Roberto Carlos, the sort that used to win cup finals in boys' annuals while the crowd shouted, "Lummee!" and "What's the youngster playing at?" Teddy Sheringham asks Spurs for a transfer, saying, as you do, "I am looking for a new challenge at this stage in my career." Iran break a World Cup goalscoring record, beating the Maldives 17-0 in a first round qualifier. So, Teddy, coach to the Maldives?
Wednesday 4 England beat Italy 2-0 with goals from Ian Wright and Paul Scholes (Ginger Rogers 'Em says the Sun, desperately). "It was an end of season performance by us," snarls Cesare Maldini, suddenly sounding like a man stuck at the wrong end of Division Two. "It'll be different in Rome – there'll be 80,000 screaming Italians for a start," observes Glenn. And if England lose, they could go into a playoff with, say, Croatia or Yugoslavia… we may yet see Jimmy Hill in a tartan tie next summer.
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Stories
Although Yugoslavia's players are in other European leagues, the state of the game back home is in crisis. Simon Evans reports
Having spent decades just missing out on glory, the Yugoslavs looked set to finally make a decisive impact in a major tournament. Red Star Belgrade had been crowned champions of Europe and the national team – with stars such as Prosinecki, Savicevic and Stojkovic – was among the favourites for the 1992 European Championships in Sweden.
John Ellis profiles the former property developer who now owns Luton Town
Distinguishing Features: A remarkable resemblance to Rodney Bewes in his chubby middle manager period from the second series of Whatever Happened To The Likely Lads. For younger readers, this means Alan Sugar without the beard.
Saturday 3 Man Utd stumble, drawing 2-2 at Leicester after being two down. "It was very hot out there. I used to be a campaigner for Summer football but bugger that," says Alex, sweating off a stone on the touchline. Utd's lead over Liverpool is reduced to three points after the latter bumble past Spurs 2-1, the quality of the game gauged by Neil Ruddock winning Man of the Match. Arsenal's chances of landing the second Champions League place vanish after a 1-0 home defeat by Newcastle who could still finish second themselves (not been a vintage season, really, has it?). At the bottom Forest and their assorted managers are relegated following a 1-1 draw with Wimbledon and Coventry look doomed after a 2-1 home defeat by Derby. Middlesbrough blow a two-goal lead against Villa but still nick the points with an injury time penalty while Southampton and Sunderland edge nearer to safety after home wins over Blackburn and Everton who are themselves still in danger of the drop (Jack Walker and Peter Johnson will be after their money back soon). Brighton fans invade a pitch again, only this time in celebration of getting the draw they need to stay in the League, at the expense of Hereford, who move down into the Conference to be replaced by Macclesfield.
Dear WSC
Surely the insouciant arrogance with which David Elleray slithers to cover up his mistakes cannot be unconnected with his day job? Who remembers a school teacher who ever admitted to getting something wrong? Of course, as a servant of the privileged classes, Elleray performs his role with a polished charm, his eyes glinting like a demented pterodactyl. But beyond this saurian resemblance, I can’t be the only person to notice that the penalty he gave against Sean Dyche, for obstruction outside the area, was a carbon copy of the dreadful decision he gave against Frank Sinclair when he came shoulder to shoulder outside the box with the dying swan of the Ukrainian ballet, Andrei Kanchelskis, in the 1994 Cup Final. It’s time this man was confined to the playing fields of Harrow.
Martin Humphrey, London SW4