Tuesday 2 Man Utd finish top of their Champions League group with a 2-1 win over Sturm Graz. "The competition will be more exciting for everyone from now on," yawns Alex. Arsenal's magnificently meaningless last group game ends in a 3-2 win in Stockholm. The FA are to take no action against Neil Ruddock over garlic-related remarks allegedly made to Patrick Vieira. "We fully accept that he is not racist ñ as his many black friends in the game will testify," says one of those FA spokesmen. Charlton regain second spot in the First Division after winning at Crewe. Moneybags Wigan, still unbeaten, go top of the Second by beating Chesterfield. Another bad day at the office for Barry Hearn as Leyton Orient slip to the bottom of the Third after losing at Darlington while rivals Chester win at Shrewsbury. Exciting times ahead in the Potteries, possibly, as Stoke City are bought by a consortium of Icelandic businessmen.
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Friday 1 Dennis Wise, Frank Lampard, Steve Guppy and Trevor Sinclair are the new names in Little Kev's squad to play Belgium. Paul Ince is recalled in place of David Batty, making sure the squad contains no less than the mandatory three players who have been sent off for England in the past 18 months. Newcastle sign Kevin Gallacher from Blackburn for £700,000. A consortium of Icelandic businessmen has made a bid of £6 million to buy Stoke City, hoping to install the national team coach Gudjon Thordarsson as manager in place of the luckless Gary Megson.
Saturday 2 Strugglers' Saturday sees Steve Staunton scandalously sent off in Villa's dismal 0-0 with Liverpool, a game mystifyingly described as "just balloons on sticks" by John Gregory. Bottom club Sheff Wed go goal-crazy against Wimbledon, winning 5-1 in front of a suitably Wimbledon-sized crowd, 18,077. Sunderland are second after pasting Bradford 4-0 at Valley Parade. Everton are reportedly the target of a £50 million bid from Chris Evans and Terry Venables – possibly both in the top two on any fans' list of undesirable owners. India's Baichung Bhutia makes his debut as a sub for Bury, and gets booked after two minutes. "We will probably get more fans than if we'd signed Ronaldo," Bury manager Neil Warnock had predicted. They get 3,603.
Sunday 1 Tony Banks joins the Kate Hoey row: "If they go back in the FA Cup then that would be bloody disastrous. This sacrifice is worth paying even if it is unpopular with a number of politicians." Arsenal beat Man Utd 2-1 in the Charity Shield, Ray Parlour scoring the winner. Nicolas Anelka does not turn up to cheer on his old mates.
Cris Freddi's series on the poorest moments in football history continues with a look at the players who missed when it looked easier to score
Right, same formula as the rest of this series. Quick mention of famous televised misses, to make it look as if I’ve seen them all, then on to missed chances that mattered, because that’s all I know about.
A background of Grizzlies and Stompers may prove the right preparation for Portsmouth, says Mike Woitalla
In the USA, Milan Mandaric owned teams called the Earthquakes, Stompers, Storm, Grizzlies and Thundercats between 1974 and 1999.They were outdoor and indoor teams, and covered three different states in four different leagues. They’re all dead. But one made a major impact on the American soccer landscape and another led to his investment in Portsmouth.