Search: ' Port Vale'

Cameron Carter gets more than an eyeful

Often technology, while improving the quality of one part of our lives, has an adverse effect on another. And so it is with widescreen television, because, while it allows us to see Alan Shearer, Alan Hansen and Gary Lineker’s arm and shoulder in one shot – wider than we’ve ever seen before – it also gives us the unholy spectacle of Shearer’s too-tight trousers in fuller detail than we could ever need. Watching the England v Argentina punditry in widescreen “cinema” mode, I could descry the exact lie of the man’s genitals, right down to the fact that he is clearly not of Orthodox Jewish faith. This detracted from my enjoyment of thousands of Argentina fans looking shell-shocked and, indeed, if I know in advance that Shearer is guesting again in the studio I shall make sure I am watching on the grainy upstairs portable. Also his trousers are shiny grey, like an employee of the Trumpton biscuit factory.

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Simon Tyers tells the story of one of this summer's more unique characters

Next June Australia will, more than likely, be officially anointed as 2006’s equivalent of the 1998 Jamaica side, the qualifiers full of unlikely UK-based players that will do in the Republic of Ireland’s absence. All five penalty takers against Uruguay have played in England, as has (and does) keeper Mark Schwarzer. The Boro man’s understudy, Zeljko Kalac, has played here, too, but is a rather more unlikely World Cup player, from the point of view of many in Leicester.

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Few countries were as desperate for a lift from the World Cup as Trinidad & Tobago, whose team provided some much needed national unity, as Mike Woitalla explains

XTrinidad & Tobago defender Marvin Andrews was 12 years old the last time his country came close to qualifying for a first World Cup. The Caribbean twin-island nation needed to draw against the United States in Port of Spain on November 19, 1989. Dwight Yorke, who had turned 18 two weeks earlier, started in midfield. Schools lifted their dress codes so the children could honour “Red Day”. The 30,000-strong crowd at Hasely Crawford Stadium looked like a scarlet blanket. Calypso bands played tunes about going to Italy. The Mighty Sparrow sang: “I never know Trini did love football so.” Lincoln Phillips, a former T&T national team goalkeeper, said: “It’s crazy. It’s the first time in the history of the country that everybody has gotten behind one thing.”

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Saturday 1 All the action in Man Utd’s 3‑2 win at Fulham happens before half-time. Despite his team’s defeat, Chris Coleman senses a weakness: “Defensively, I didn’t think they were great.” Spurs come back from two down to win 3‑2 at Charlton, but stay behind them in third on goal difference. Blackburn fans get their first sightings of Shefki Kuqi’s rupture-threatening bellyflop celebration after he scores both goals in a 2‑0 defeat of West Brom, who drop to 19th. “I was happy for once with a scrappy goal,” says Arsène, who is ageing quickly, after Arsenal need a late deflection to beat Birmingham. Sunderland’s 1‑1 draw with West Ham takes them out of the bottom three. Sheffield Utd’s eight-match winning run ends in a 2‑1 defeat to their nearest Championship challengers, Reading; Neil Warnock will face an FA charge after eyeballing the referee over not getting a late penalty. “The laws of football are black and white and the referee has seen purple,” say Blackpool keeper Les Pogliacomi of League One leaders Swansea’s decisive goal in their 3‑2 win when striker Lee Trundle, in an offside position, backs away from a cross that goes in while the defence stand still, appealing. Swindon are five points adrift at the foot after a 3‑1 defeat at second-bottom MK Dons. Wycombe remain the League’s only unbeaten team, but slip to third in League Two after a 3‑3 draw with Chester. In the SPL, Hearts finally drop points, needing an injury-time equaliser to draw 2‑2 with Falkirk. Celtic, 5‑0 winners at Livingston, are three points behind.

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Never mind the Champions League, here’s the Hellenic: the television claims that it’s showing live football – but 125 people in west Berkshire know better as Roger Titford witnesses

It is a dark, wet Tuesday. The leaves are coming down and the league tables are shaping up. It’s a big night at all levels. Manchester United and Arsenal are on ITV in the Champions League. My boys, Reading, are away in the Championship (on local radio) while the LDV parks itself into view. But my eye is caught again by the crude, A4, home-crafted poster on the town noticeboards; no hype or promises, just pure facts – Hungerford v Didcot, Hellenic League, KO 7.45pm.

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