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It wasn't a great tournament for Austria, writes Paul Joyce

The author Thomas Bernhard once remarked that the typical Austrian always distances himself from his country. By the start of Euro 2008, however, this distance had given way to a morbidly self-ironic fatalism. As the national side plummeted to 101st in the FIFA rankings, thousands of fans signed an online petition demanding Austria’s withdrawal from the tournament for crimes against “aesthetic beauty”. Spoof Euro 2008 T-shirts and Y-fronts bearing the motto Zu Gast bei Verlierern (A Guest of the Losers) sold like hot cakes.

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It hasn't been a great tournament for the host teams, writes Graham Dunbar

Switzerland travelled for six-and-a-half hope-filled years towards Euro 2008. Then it was gone in five days. The first country to play, the first to lose, the first to be knocked out. In a country whose real sporting passions are ice hockey, skiing and tennis, there were many face-painted converts to football left wondering if Switzerland was better off without the tournament.

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Problems when England visited Moscow suggested the Champions League final could be a mess, but Chelsea fan Terry Daley enjoyed more or less his whole excursion except the result and the trip home

Much had been made of Moscow by the British press in the run-up to the Champions League final, and none of it made particularly good reading for those of us who had started planning trips to the Russian capital 30 minutes after Liverpool were beaten in the semi-final at Stamford Bridge. Supposedly English supporters would have to contend with baton‑happy military police and hordes of neo-Nazi hooligans patrolling the streets. Then we would be forced to pay £25 a beer at gunpoint by a one-eyed veteran of the Afghanistan war – if our pockets hadn’t already been picked by a shoeless orphan. Why didn’t they just cancel the whole operation, moaned the English press, and move the damn thing to Wembley?

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What are the expectations for the team?
After being drawn in a group containing both 2006 World Cup finalists, the expectations are not high, especially after some shaky qualifying performances, such as a single-goal victory over Luxembourg and a collapse against Belarus in Minsk at the end of 2007. However, the national team have survived the first round of every European Championship since Marco van Basten, Ruud Gullit and Co won the title in 1988 so there is always the possibility of another penalty shootout defeat in the quarter- or semifinals.

Have any players appeared in commercials or any other adverts?
Edwin van der Sar features in a commercial for healthy mints, in which he stops penalties taken by Bad Breath, Tooth Slice and Coffee Stain. The revenues may go to a good cause.

Is the coach popular?
Not really. Van Basten’s preference for Ajax reserves is suspect, while the way he stubbornly clung on to the two-winger system when there wasn’t a recognised one in the squad was a bit strange – but players have recently talked him out of that. However, every Dutch national coach suffers from the nation’s expectation of being entertained. Winning is not good enough, we want “dream football”, too.

Are there any players with unusual hobbies or business interests?
Clarence Seedorf is the owner of a 125cc Moto GP team. He has also founded the Clarence Seedorf Stadium in Paramaribo and aims to lead Surinam to the World Cup. The Netherlands Antilles also hope to dip into the talent pool of black players in the Eredivisie, which may affect the Dutch national team in the future.

What will the media coverage be like?
There is a tendency to use coaches as pundits. “This would never happen against any team of mine” is always a subtext of their comments. Louis van Gaal quit during the qualifying tournament, saying he had pointed out the same mistakes in the team tactics over and over again and felt he was repeating himself. However, it is very difficult for Van Gaal to keep his opinions to himself, so when asked, he will surely turn up somewhere on the telly. As will Johan Cruyff who was simultaneously a TV pundit and an advisor to Van Basten during the 2006 World Cup. After the bad-tempered loss to Portugal in the last 16, Cruyff defended Van Basten in his newspaper column the next day and blamed the defeat on government minister Rita Verdonk, who had refused to give Salomon Kalou a Dutch passport.

Will there be many fans travelling to the tournament?
Most Dutch tickets are taken by sponsors, the biggest one an insurance company, who use them to reward their agents and employees. It is a new form of hooliganism. At the 2006 World Cup there were frightening stories of unsuspecting foreign fans isolated in pub corners by men dressed in orange who bombarded them with stories about life insurance, investment plans and favourable loan rates.

Ernst Bouwes

What are the expectations for the team?
After the astonishing 2006 World Cup, public expectation is high, especially since Germany had the luck of the draw again and all the big names are in the other half. After all, Germany have won at least one major title in every decade since the 1970s. But then again, the Nationalmannschaft haven’t won a single European finals match since 1996.

Are there any players who have appeared in TV commercials or other advertising?
The national team have been sponsored by Mercedes-Benz for several decades and, for every big event, a TV commercial is produced. This time, the players are dressed in 19th-century climbers’ outfits, crossing the Alps to get to Austria. The idea is semi-funny, but Michael Ballack’s fake moustache brings back memories of the days when a hairy upper lip was obligatory if you wanted to play for Germany.

Is the coach popular?
Joachim (“Jogi”) Löw was Jürgen Klinsmann’s sidekick and said to be the mastermind behind Germany’s new attacking style in 2006. He is good looking (except for his moptop haircut) and articulate, so the public and the media love him. Club officials, however, are unnerved by his continuous criticism of their allegedly outdated training methods.

Which players are good interviewees and who are the worst?
From an interviewer’s point of view, Jens Lehmann is the worst person to talk with. Whatever he is asked, he reacts with a disregard that verges on hatred. A sigh of relief was heard in the press corps when Arsenal’s substitute goalie imposed an interview ban before Germany’s friendly with Switzerland in March. On the other hand, Lukas Podolski’s ability to talk faster than he thinks is always entertaining. He says things like “We must roll up our heads. And our sleeves” or “That’s football. Sometimes the better team wins”.

Are there any players with unusual hobbies or business interests?
Werder Bremen’s Thorsten Frings owned a raccoon until his wife became pregnant. He gave it to a friend, saying a voracious beast and a baby don’t mix. Stuttgart striker Mario Gomez enjoys watching the fish in his aquarium, while Schalke’s Heiko Westermann admits that his hobby is sleeping.

Do any of the players have famous girlfriends or wives?
A few years ago, Lothar Matthäus and Oliver Kahn’s nightclub acquaintances were Germany’s B-versions of Posh Spice. Today, Bastian Schweinsteiger walks in their footsteps. He once invited a girl from a Munich disco to the Jacuzzi in Bayern’s training centre. When they were discovered by the security staff at 2am, he claimed that the young lady was his cousin – which made her famous for about a week.

Are there any players involved in politics?
It’s not evident from the style of football they prefer, but Germany’s central defenders are intelligent and socially committed. Real Madrid’s Christoph Metzelder has started a foundation that seeks to help Turkish kids find their way into German society. Per Mertesacker of Werder Bremen is a devout Lutheran protestant and helps promote the church’s youth festivals.

What will the media coverage be like?
Unfortunately, the pundit partnership of 1970s hero Günter Netzer and journalist Gerhard Delling will disappear from the screen at the end of Euro 2008, because Delling wants to spend more time with his family. For ten years, the two of them were a real life equivalent to the Muppet Show’s Statler and Waldorf. The match commentary will be atrocious, as usual. Worst of all is public channel ZDF’s Wolf-Dieter Poschmann, a former middle-distance runner with a special interest in speed skating who doesn’t have a clue about football.

Will there be many fans travelling to the tournament?
Supporting Germany was left to a small group of Deutschland Deutschland chanting dimwits for many years, but in recent times the national team have become sexy. So there will be masses of – hopefully – gentle folks travelling to the tournament round the corner. In the stadium, the German fans have taken up the English habit of singing the national anthem at the start of the second half. The Austria v Germany match will be accompanied by mutual insults on the terraces.

Karsten Blaas