Watching the Evesham United goalkeeper against Stafford Rangers. Whenever the ball came towards goal, he’d just stand there, cemented to the line, and watch it go. Sometimes it went into the net, and sometimes it didn’t. His strip was cleaner at full-time than it was at the start. I suspect he was probably the manager’s son-in-law or something. David Wangerin
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Stories
WSC readers and fanzine editors weigh up the season to come
ARSENAL
Boyd Hilton
How will your team do this season? Third (again)
Who is going to be the most important figure at the club this season? Arsène Wenger: he’s the most intelligent person ever to be associated with professional football anywhere in the world ever, so this is our chance to just sit back and enjoy whatever he comes up with…
If you had to come up with a new piece of merchandise to sell at the club shop what would it be? Life-size, fully realistic, 100% physically accurate model of Ian Wright.
Which player at your club most divides the home support and why? Ian Wright: bizarrely, a sizeable portion of the fans seems to think that we’d do better without him, that he’s too old, too selfish, or some such crackpot theory. These people are clearly insane or are from the Arsenal old school and simply can’t cope with too much pleasure.
Which element of the matchday environment would you most like to change? Installing some kind of device which sends a near-fatal electric shock through anyone who shouts “Yiddos!” and make it easier to get a half-time cup of coffee, perhaps by getting rid of the enormous bar area in the North Bank and installing 10 coffee stalls.
Saturday 1 Paul Gascoigne denies press stories that place him at the centre of the "high jinks" on the England tour plane, saying, "All the newspapers are going to be sued over this," Robbie Fowler, fingered instead as the main culprit, says, "Anyone claiming I was involved had better be prepared to go to court." They might bump into Terry while they're there.
Saturday 8 Venables responds to England's disappointing performance by giving the players two days off. "Relaxed players are happy players," he says, neglecting to add whether they are also good players. Press reaction to the 1-1 draw with Switzerland is predictably apocalyptic.
Monday 10 After protests from Scottish viewers, ITV will drop their Euro '96 signature tune, 'Jerusalem', when they cover Scotland games. They will also replace graphics showing the White Cliffs of Dover and Bobby Moore with the 1966 World Cup. Heritage Secretary Virginia Bottomley says the government would be prepared to use national lottery money to back a bid to bring the 2006 World Cup to England, or Britain (ie England plus Hampden and the new stadium in Cardiff) particularly if it might help the Conservatives stay in power. The FA will decide whether to bid by Christmas – it will take from then until 2006 to perfect a ticketing system guaranteed to annoy anyone wanting to pay to see a match.