Wednesday 1 Middlesbrough insist that Steve McClaren is not in the frame for the Newcastle job. Bolton likewise say Sam Allardyce is staying put. “Sam is committed to rewriting the history of this club,” says chairman Phil Gartside. Clive Woodward, who is about to step down as England rugby coach, may be offered a role at Southampton, waving a clipboard and shouting.
Friday 3 Terry Venables is believed to be having talks with Newcastle (keep the receipts, Freddie). “That was real Scottish football,” says beleaguered Berti as his side secure a moral victory in Spain, their friendly being abandoned at 1-1 due to floodlight failure, torrential rain and a plague of boils.