Cris Freddi reviews the local tie which ended non-League Canvey Island's FA Cup hopes
“You can’t be serious about these shrimps.”
“We’re not, really…”
The Shrimpers Club bar. Some poor sod hobbling round the pitch in a pink prawn outfit, tail trailing in the mud. Who decided we needed cuddly toy mascots? Cyril the frigging swan. Dumber and dumber.
Wednesday 1 Holders Leicester crash out of the Worthington Cup, 3-0 at home to Crystal Palace. “Our players have found out that they are not invincible,” says crown prince Peter Taylor. Arsenal reserves lose 2-1 at home to Ipswich. Wednesday win the Sheffield derby in extra time. Robbie Fowler’s first goal since the Reformation beats Chelsea. Joe Kinnear is named director of football at Oxford, with David Kemp becoming team manager. Tony Cottee replaces John Still, booted upstairs at Barnet. Lou Macari and Joe Jordan are the new management team at First Division laggers Huddersfield.
Saturday 2 The sensible sensation comes off the bench to score as England draw 1-1 in Paris. “Michael was disappointed to be left out but he provided the answer,” says quizmaster Kev. Michael, however, is appropriately huffy: “I don’t think I have anything to prove in international football.” Arsenal and Chelsea players on both sides are involved in scuffles during and after the match. Sadly, no one is injured. In World Cup qualifiers, Scotland beat Latvia with a last minute goal from Neil McCann (“I can only describe our first half performance as pathetic,” says Craig Brown), Wales lose 2-1 in Belarus, Northern Ireland survive a few scares in a 1-0 win over Malta. Best performance comes from the Republic of Ireland, who take a two goal lead in Holland before drawing 2-2. Roy Keane is cross: “We should have won. I am sick of hearing that the Irish have a good time whatever the result.” Walsall hold a four-point lead in the Second Division after their fifth successive win, 2-0 over Wigan. Relief at Oxford, where the last pointless team in the League break their duck with a home draw against Cambridge.
Ian Plenderleith investigates the best and worst websites offering 'sidesways glances' to the game
If you think Private Eye’s satire on the travails of Neasden FC and its two top fans Sid and Doris Bonkers ran out of steam around 20 years ago, then try the new, strictly non-profit, online fanzine All The Pies. It’s punchy, semi-anarchic, and has the potential, you feel, to get funnier.
Dear WSC
So Adam Powley thinks Chelsea have “obscene ticket prices” (WSC 151). He’s right, obviously, but having paid £29 to watch Tottenham play Chelsea from a seat situated behind the police control room at White Hart Lane last season, I hardly think Spurs fans are in a position to take the moral high ground. As for Chelsea’s “contrived glamour image”, I can only wonder at how he sees the image of his own club. “Real” glamour perhaps?
Colin Maitland, Ascot