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Austria – Euro 2008

What are the expectations for the team?
Expectations are pretty low with Austria for the first time not being listed in the top 100 of the FIFA rankings, below such teams as New Zealand and The Gambia. But the last game against the Netherlands has brought back some hope – Austria took a three-goal lead in the first half, although they did lose 4-3. Of course, when the Euro 2008 euphoria starts all the bad results of recent years will be forgotten. But with opponents such as Germany and Croatia euphoria may not be enough.

Are there any players who have appeared in TV commercials or other advertising?

Our captain Andreas Ivanschitz has been busy flogging LG television sets and the whole team like to eat at McDonald’s, which may offer a clue to their recent performances.

Is the coach popular?
Not that I know of. But Josef Hickersberger has proven that he can absorb a lot of criticism without needing counselling and has therefore has earned some respect among the fans and journalists. Hickersberger was also Teamchef for Austria’s worst ever result, the 1-0 defeat against the Faroe Islands in 1990. He knows that only a successful European Championship – that is, getting to the knockout stages – can help the nation to forget this embarrassment.

Which players are good interviewees and who are the worst?

Striker Roland Linz can be a difficult character but at least he shows a sense of humour. Goalkeeper Alex Manninger can also be entertaining, albeit unintentionally due to the hyper way he tends to behave in post-match interviews.

Are then any players with unusual hobbies or business interests?
In general the team is very young and the unspectacular hobbies range from snowboarding to going to cinema and eating popcorn. Defender Johnny Ertl plays guitar in a Rock band called Ohne Lizenz, which could be translated as “Without concession”, and goalkeeper Jürgen Macho – now with AEK Athens – used to be a member of the diehard supporters’ group Rapid Ultras in his early days in Vienna.

Do any of the players have famous girlfriends or wives?
Roland Linz used to be involved with an international swimmer, Fabienne Nadarajah – but that is a thing of the past. Why should famous women want to be connected with unknown footballers?

Will there be any rehearsed goal celebrations?

Last year Austria scored only seven times in 12 matches. There are no discussions about how best to celebrate goals.

Will any former players be involved in media coverage?

Players from the World Cups of 1978 and 1998 such as Hans Krankl and Toni Polster are doomed to spend the rest of their lives ranting about how they would take the national team to new heights if only someone would let them. But Krankl has already had his chance. One exception is Krankl’s contemporary, Herbert Prohaska, an Austria Vienna legend who also played in Italy. He analyses matches for the national channel ORF and – despite or even because of some linguistic problems – has somehow managed to become a national treasure.

Do Austrian fans have any favourite chants or songs?
Yes, but they are rather boring. Immer wieder Oesterreich (Forever Austria) is probably the best known. Try the league for much better chants.

Stefan Kraft

Workington 0 Boston Utd 1

The words “Football League” must evoke painful memories for all concerned on a bleak afternoon in Cumbria, with the limelight just a fading memory for the hosts and the visitors struggling one year on, writes Harry Pearson

In the Borough Park clubhouse, a ­middle-aged woman in a yellow-and-black Boston United scarf leans across to a vast, elderly Pilgrims fan who is tucking into a polystyrene tray of pasty and chips like he hasn’t eaten since the end of rationing. “You been here before?” she asks. The man shakes his head, cheeks bulging with potatoes and pastry. The woman glances quickly from left to right. “Bit bleak, isn’t it?” she whispers. The big man grins sadly, nods and stuffs more food in his mouth.

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Euro scepticism ~ Italy

The Italians are going off the English model, says Matthew Barker

Having long been the mantra of choice for would-be reformers of the sport here, adopting the modello inglese is beginning to lose its appeal. Italian reaction to the Premier League’s proposals for a 39th game generally chimed with Michel Platini’s widely reported comments about foreign owners, foreign coaches, foreign players and now foreign fans: that English football had finally gone a step too far and was steadily losing its soul.

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Special ones

'King Kev' gives lovers and haters in the media something to talk about. And do they ever

We are caught in a vicious circle of Geordiedom. A set of media-driven archetypes have dominated the back-page reports of Kevin Keegan’s return – hailed by both the Sun and the Daily Mirror as God On The Tyne – and are vigorously embraced by the very people they patronise. The main thrust of this onslaught was gleeful, ridiculous hyperbole about the special nature of Newcastle. Kenny Dalglish, communicating via the Daily Mail’s Steve Curry, saw St James’ Park as “a thrill centre where the password is passion”. In the Daily Telegraph, Henry Winter quickly identified “Toon Army foot soldiers”, reading news of Keegan’s arrival “with such awe, like scholars feeling the Dead Sea Scrolls, touching the words to check if they were really true”. The People’s Dave Kidd told of his father-in-law cutting short a holiday for Keegan in 1982: “Take the tent down, pet, we’re ganning home.” A standard-issue Geordie tale, until Kidd breathlessly informs us that he wasn’t “one of those tattooed, topless-in-the-snow Newcastle fans either. He was a coroner.” Thanks for that, Dave.

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Going down the tube

Cameron Carter thought he was just sitting down at his computer, but instead found himself sucked into a whirlpool of bizarre and arcane football clips – plus the odd grilling labrador. That’s YouTube for you

If, for any reason, you were thinking of removing all structure from your life and severing ties with humanity, your first step might be to log in to YouTube and use football as a search theme. I embarked upon this experiment on a recent Friday afternoon with the beautiful phrase “Alan Sunderland 1979” and came up for air when it was dark outside – I think it was Sunday – having weakly tapped in “Monkey Football” and sifted through 599 related titles. YouTube is a separate reality, a democratic film utopia with the implied promise that in the future every image will be captured, nothing will be overlooked and, while you watch, food will be transferred directly into your stomach from a national grid.

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